Holding two truths at once
For the better part of a year, I couldn’t do one of the things at the center of how I see myself. I’ve been a martial artist for over 10 years, and a bad elbow injury, on top of a back that’s been giving me trouble for years, took me almost entirely off the mats.
For months I wasn’t training, wasn’t hiking, wasn’t doing any of the things I’ve built so much of my sense of self around. And I kept bumping up against this impossible-feeling thing: I am a martial artist, and I can’t really do martial arts right now. Both are true simultaneously.
What I want to talk about is what that in-between place taught me, because I see people run from it in their businesses every single day. When two things are true at once and they contradict each other, we can’t stand it. We rush to pick one because choosing a lane feels so much better in the moment, but it’s usually the exact thing that keeps us from learning what we really could. Because the deepest lessons usually lie in the space between two truths — the exact place we don’t want to sit.
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Why the middle feels so unbearable
First, I want to say clearly that this is not a personal weakness, so please don’t beat yourself up about it. We are wired to want a clear answer. An open, unresolved question feels like a threat that hasn’t been dealt with yet, so we push for closure of any kind, because a sure thing feels safe. That instinct served our ancestors beautifully. It just falls apart when the honest answer to something is genuinely two things at once, because your brain will still be in there demanding you choose.
I’ve lived this one in the hardest way I know how. I’m childless not by choice. After a harrowing experience with infertility, my husband and I came to the conclusion that we won’t be parents, and we won’t go down other paths to get there. So I carry two things that are never going to resolve into one: it was the right decision, and it will always hurt.
When I share this part of my story, I often watch people struggle with that ambiguity. They just can’t sit in a contradiction that won’t close, so they try to tidy it into one truth they can be comfortable with, but that comfortable, tidied-up version isn’t real. The real thing only exists in the middle, holding both truths at once.
Deciding it’s a failure and pretending it’s fine
Bring that into your business and you’ll see you probably do this all the time. Take a launch that flops — say you don’t sell a single spot. Two things are true: you worked really hard, and you didn’t hit your goal. That is such an uncomfortable place to stand that most of us scramble to get out of it, and there are two doors we tend to bolt through.
- Behind the first door: “I’m a failure.” You decide you’re just bad at this, and you shut down.
- Behind the second: “It was totally fine, everything went great.” You put on a show and pretend the goal was never really the goal to begin with.
The reality is both of those doors lead to the same place. They’re both just ways of escaping how uncomfortable it feels to hold two truths, and they cost you the same thing: the lesson underneath.
The woman beating herself up and the woman pretending it’s all fine both walk away having learned nothing, because what they needed to learn was never in “I failed” or in “it’s fine.” It was sitting right there in the gap between “I worked so hard” and “it didn’t land.”
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What it looks like when you hold both
Compare that to keeping both truths on the table. When I launched the last cohort of my Bold Content Collective, I had a number in my head the whole time: six women. I got five. I could have gone either way with it — called it a failure for missing my number, or smoothed it over and told everyone five was the plan all along. Instead I made myself hold both. I didn’t hit my goal, and I got the most incredible group of five women who grew so much together.
Staying in that discomfort is the only reason I could actually see why I landed at five instead of six, and I’m taking everything I saw straight into the next cohort. If I’d bolted through either door, I’d have nothing to carry forward.
The same thing rescues effort that didn’t pay off, which is where I hear the most self-punishment from the women I work with. “I put so much into these posts and nobody responded, so it was all a waste.” But “it underperformed” and “it was worthless” are two different truths, and sliding from one to the other is where you lose the real story.
A couple of years ago I spent more than my business could really afford on a year-long coaching program, and at the end I decided not to renew, because my revenue was no better than when I’d started. On paper, that’s a flop. And yet, I don’t regret it for a second. I still use what I learned, and the people I met became clients, referrals, and collaborations that are still paying off today. It didn’t give me the return I wanted, and it was absolutely worth it. Only by holding both truths can I get to the honest answer.
Acceptance is not the white flag you think it is
This is where so many of us get acceptance wrong, and I got it wrong for years. Early on in my chronic pain journey, a physical therapist gently tried to get me to accept the pain, and stubborn Rachel absolutely refused, because I heard “accept it” as “give up.” All my refusing did was keep me stuck, because I was still pouring all my energy into forcing one truth: this shouldn’t be happening, and I am going to make it not true.
What I finally understood is that acceptance is simply what it looks like to stop running. I can accept that I may live with some pain for the rest of my life, and that I will never stop working to feel better. That’s exactly where I am with jiu-jitsu right now. I probably won’t train the way I used to, and I’m genuinely thrilled to get on the mats even once a week. Both are true at the same time. And honestly, holding both is the only reason I’m back on the mats at all, instead of stuck at home refusing to accept anything less than what I had before. Acceptance lets you keep moving while the question stays open.
Your action steps this week
First, catch yourself in the act of picking one truth. Think of something in your business you’ve already filed away as a single verdict — “that was a failure” or “that was fine.” Write down the sentence you’ve been telling yourself, and then make yourself write the other truth right next to it: “This didn’t hit what I wanted” and “This was still worth it because…”
Second, notice the urge to bolt when it shows up. Next time something doesn’t go the way you wanted and you feel yourself reaching for a door — to call yourself a failure, or to pretend everything’s fine — just notice it, and try to stay in the middle one beat longer. You don’t have to resolve it. “I’m not where I want to be, and I’m doing so well” is not a contradiction you need to fix. It’s the truth, and everything worth learning is sitting right there in the and.
LINKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED
- NeetoCal — The calendar booking tool I use to keep my business running smoothly
- Join the Bold Content Collective (BCC) — next cohort launching October, get on the waitlist now
- Find your Content Marketing Power Type and build a content strategy around how you actually work.
- Need help getting crystal clear on who you are and what you offer? Let’s meet for a free 15-minute vibe check to see where I can help.
